May was long and dark...with many squalls

I will definitely overlook the fact that the thunderstorms had been messing with my exams. its not everyday that when you're doing quadratics thunder suddenly appears and rips your logic apart and you stare blankly at the paper until your teacher comes knocking on your empty shell. Well, its been heartbreakingly, footstompingly and to simply put it: very long since my last post. And I figured I wasn't going to bother about my blog much till somethings sparks my mind off into a hyper-active. Without futher ado, I hereby present to you the livewire to my despicable brain: Mr Jordan Scott Miller. IN ACTUAL FACT he my IS non-biologically-or-any-form-of-relationship-related father. I gave him a nice big hug after his awesome solo at Vhaspody 2011. I bet fire can't even catch up to his remarkable pace, but poor yangqin. I LOVE DAD.

The Ocean Ripples

The Ocean ripples,
in the depths of heart,
where loss and regret twine,
hope trickles down my spine

And then the ocean ripples,
at the slightest breath,
so supple my whisper,
so smooth on my finger

And then the ocean ripples,
from my daring plunge,
I strain my heaving breath,
removing thoughts of death

And then the ocean ripples,
the treasure abound,
one final look, I scowl
my feelings almost foul

and then the ocean ripples,
Having plunged straight down,
my purpose being sought,
the tethers turned to naught

and then the ocean ripples,
my breathing so slow,
sickly, subtle shivers
slowly, my will falters

And then the ocean ripples,
I challenge the tides,
shatter the surface light,
brighten the endless night

And then the ocean ripples
robots touch the sky,
I laugh in tranquility,
another wasted city

The Ocean ripples,
in the depths of heart,
where loss and regret twine,
the hope lost into time

Retold

Retold
The tilted sun shines, it dissipates
the smothering clouds I appreciate
smells of treaded moss that rose
lying in wait and repose

Sanguine blossoms clinquantly bright
What a waste, to ruin this sight
Boom! It's time to move
Molten Fury shows his truth
raining land with deathly spit
I rushed to shelter, my two-metre pit

Those crimson blossoms mutilated
which Mother heartilly created
slumping in the gloom and the dark
fiery rivers streaking down rotted barks
idly it's been an hour
the situation from sweet to sour

Distasteful fingers prance the soil
They befriended me, Fear and Turmoil
crackle , blast! Its time to run
the battlefield in the setting sun
sprint and leap, my eye in hand
desperate for flames and sand

Shaky palms grasp the eye
and took sight of the reaper's scythe
tears run for those that passed
sizzle sizzle, I swore and cussed
bearing wounds I ran ahead
escape the malice, or I'll be dead!

see the scars on my gob?
the warring trophies from my job
the slurred tale ends here
putting behing what I hold dear
This story although glorious and bold
the distant past, a true story retold

MY violin

I wish I were young, when death was distant
when I thought of love, when my heart was brilliant
I felt like I was split in two, my soul, that is
when I was divided, those two i wouldn't miss
where in the world of deception, half was spent
and at my cozy hearth, the other half was sent
the former was tough and resiliently made,
while the latter was formed with repent and taint

I was a man of not many words,
and my business is one for an introvert
I always felt for the maple's predicament
cruelly, as I cleave, I guess I'm no equivalent
you wouldn't mind, I thought, as I turned from the stump
I'll make a piece of art, so don't be such a grump
Beautiful! I call to mind, the last instrument i assembled
the best for last, before my body and me no longer resembles

At home I would think ways to end the suffering
while on the outside, my smile was never ending
But in the end I couldn't hold, the mortal chains itself
with a match I burnt my stall, and the flames i joined myself
As an apparition, I tread this dirty world, watching my spouse
and the pain engulfed her, I saw, as she worked a new house

later on, when her eyes were worn, and her skin was rough
she held my ashes in her palms, and smeared my last wooden craft
the contraption, when finished, so lovely the sound
my soul, and ethereal form, were inevitably bound
she tuned and played the ash-made fiddle
recalling my fate, she intricately wove my riddle
the bow danced, and devotedly, she performed
her fingers moved so wildly, and yet so warm

It was then that I felt, that her love was true
unrequited it was, and now the guilt accrues
my mind is pondering ways to communicate
I want to converse, and with that, erase your hate
repent is not enough, but too I'd pretend
my gifts were not enough, but now I'll amend
I'd be upon the land where my last maple stump once was,
playing lucent tunes for you, but untill you appear

I'll

never

pause

What I'd do for You

Id paint the city pink in one run,
or paint it red, at your command

Id pick the sun off the sky,
and steal the moon when you cry

Id play you a concerto as sweet as it goes,
till the night ends and you doze

Id ask you why you're feeling down,
and buy you a pretty summer gown

Id gladly knock into a tree,
while glancing at mesmerising,thee

Id bring you bouquets of sanguine rose,
and rub in camomile scents, to soothe the nose

Id brighten your day, with lovely mails
all to keep you on your tail

Id treat you to vintage wine and Bailey's,
or send you millions a bottle of whiskey

Id give you praises of what you wore that day
listen and appreciate what you had to say

Id do almost anything for you,
so would you be my dear

Betrayal

Begone, feral soul
Thousand regrets grow
Let hate arise
Jeer and despise

Our unforgettable bond
Tattered and torn
Took my sword
To sow discord

Your brilliant smile
Serious yet wild
Seen it transparent
Thoughts were indecent

Cease to ostracise
Or you'll terrorise
Stop your judging
like God's underling

Brace your wings
As you fall
God's been angry
At the irony

Angel doing evil
Not even civil
Strong you perceive
Weak I believe

I know everything

Hmm.... I've always wondered made you sit so straight. Could it be the rampant feelings of culture shock from transferring to a co-ed? Or is it your consideration of the possibility of me reading your mind? Maybe it's a moment of folly: maybe a man, for a man would easily cause the spur of a moment. If, unfortunately so, perhaps a man's ears could help in taking in taking in your aoelian recount. Men are known to be blunt, and forceful, like the ball of a bommy-knocker (a strange nickname i've had for bludgeons since young, under the influence of my father); Women are known to be delicate yet strong, similar to the edge of a dagger (finely chop and the enemy goes down). How perculiar that neither descriptions would seem to fit me. If you would know of a mix of these two I would gladly accept the term. I can sense the feelings of a sophomore with uncomfortable ease, and attend to those feelings with deadly accuracy you won't feel those feelings die off, if you catch my joke. Step in to the Spring! With a spring in your step! Oh the laughter it kills me! Alright stop digressing. MY level of intimacy with my finely made mate is unbelievable. My experience in love, too, is unfathomable. I sincerely hope you to confide in me, your distant worries and stinging concerns, but much to my dismay, I am aware of a social-gender-clan-divide in our class. Of course you can contact me in times of desperate need, as long as my time is vaccant.
Yours truly,
Thy Soul

Sun

child of heaven, hear my voice
listen to the pleas, 'o my underlings
you bring spring, to us things
reason, doubt and choice


tattered shoes grip the soil
green garments, yellow cap
life, from which we wish to take naps
let us burn off this mutual coil


flaming orb, similar in skin
in this way I feel shame, in fact rather
brothers 'o colour kneel before each other
fiery tongues infest us, till dry,and furthermore thin


the sanctuary of night, I repose
my head, held low, give blatant sighs
starving, the seeds of offspring, show them bony tighs
and could probably silence their whines, I suppose


child of heaven, hear me say
the sky you make grey, like wine
your crimson drops and my feet, intertwine
little is much enough, thats all I pray

Death's Road

The grey blends in blue, and covers the sun
till up in the sky I see none
upon the empty road I walk
the onyx ravens seem to talk...


crooked fingers point at me
like signboards for me to see
upon the empty road I run
I see future friends at every glance...


rustle the leaves as I please
and they poke me like a tease
upon the empty road I prance
the fallen twigs seem to dance...



dilly dally, I've time to free
maybe in this dream, I'll find glee
upon the empty road I trail
my life now is for sale...


send me away to another place
perchance I find sorrow, I'll live in grace
upon the empty road I amble
my legs begin to tremble...


the saying goes: life flashes past
but instead I see my sins flying fast

Because

upon the empty road I walk...
the reaper's scythe I stalk

Riverside

Saga seeds lie in repose
I just watch and appreciate
scents of treaded grass that rose
just before they dissipate.

Stalwartly I watched the show
bug-bitten hand on my chest.
Weathered compass in my hand
in such contrast to the rest.

Many mosquitoes recline
spoiling the walk and the fun
Wings erect, held paralysed
my blood tribute to the sun.

The stillness soon is dead, with
the gloom of incoming rain.
I gazed on the path ahead
this long trek would end in vain!

It’s sad: I still feel the pain
I can’t ask clouds not to pour!
Pristine drops slowly fall. Rain;
the situation turning sour.

I shake my head hard and fast
no longer thinking of this grove.
I slide my hood and run past
with the rain it’s time to move.

Life and movement fills the air
I thought I’d stay as I please.
E’vry scent, this scene so fair,
the forest moves in a wheeze.

That time will never come again
Frozen scenery comes to life
my solstice gone with the rain
the world moves again in strife

The trees’ shelter keeps me dry
but only for a short mile.
I think of the scene and cry;
a sight not seen for a while

Life moves on eventually
There’s not enough time to chill
How I feel the irony!
of the saying, time moves still.

I don't think a dictionary helps

Jordan Scott Miller, thanks muchly for introducing me to the grandiloquent dictionary. I hope that we can engage in a aceldamaic logomachy soon, and that you will cease your aoelian lexiphanism, your grandiloquence, your magniloquence.

yet another...

You know something is wrong with your hands when you hold the PS2 controller and it spoils; you hold the remote control and it spoils; you can see sweat droplets forming on your hands; you hold your phone and water drips from the cover.
DAmn this palmer hyperhydrosis.~.~

another one.

you know something is wrong with the tray you're holding when the $4.30 Deliciously Scrumciously Aromatically Beautifully made Koi Vanila Milk Bubble Tea drops off from your mc'donalds' tray.

Oh no I'm getting into the you know something is wrong syndrome again...

You know something is wrong with that guy when you dribble the ball away from him, and he tackles you with his blubber, causing you to strain your tigh. It's not a joke, he whose name starts with a J and ends with orim.

"WHAT EACH KISS MEANS"
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together .
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU...
____________________________________________________
WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
____________________________________________________
ADVICE:
- If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely
in Love.

diary of her

sec 1
As I sat there in in class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

sec 2
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one stay home movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

sec 4
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in sec 1, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

Life's Woes ( 4th entry )

If life is like a cup of coffee, then the coffee is the problems we face and the sugar added is love, and the creamer is friends and family. In the end, the cup of coffee is bittersweet.

To keep my mind of life's woes, i spend time with my family and friends. And even though sometimes i would forget to balance my work with my playtime, and get scolded for obvious reasons, I would almost always get back on my feet and take the setbacks with a pinch of salt. Well, when times are too bad for my will to take, I find hope in my family and spending time with them brings me joy and relief.

When I was young, my parents would almost always read books to me, fly kites and play board games. However, as I grew slowly into the introvert I am now, the time we spend every week is greatly reduced.

One of the most memorable times I had with my family, namely my older brother, father, and mother, was that time we played basketball. If I'm not mistaken, it was just last Saturday.

Zooming in towards the hoop, my father thew the ball with awesome force against the hoop, leapt up, caught the rebound and slammed the ball down for 2 points. We could only watch and see him own the battlefield with his muscular stature and enormous strength. Mother, who was waiting for us at the nearby angsana, prepared our picnic lunch as we rushed with famished stomachs upwards the tree. It was such a memorable day!
I feel that it was very fulfilling to have a family outing once in a while to help us bond. However, I know that my parents are working and it would be long before we can go out together again

Cello is not pronounced SELOH ( third entry )

It has been so long since I realised my love for dear Leiza. Well, it couldn't be sadder to say that nothing has progressed since our first date. Class has been class and dates have been...ordinary dates. I'm so accustomed to my daily routine of walking her to school, talking senseless matters in class and walking her back home, it's almost boring. It didn't take long for me to start playing my cello again. After all, I had learnt to cope with the not-so-new daily tasks.
I have always wondered why people played the cello, have checked it on Wikipedia and, have not been satisfied by their answers, even though I cannot even think of a single plausible answer to that question. I only know one thing, the cello is a beautiful instrument. To me, every part of the cello is perfect. From the scroll, to the neck, to the four strings which allowed me to play a vast spread of melodious tunes, to the body and to the end pin. The wonderful sound of the cello, is a replica of my character. I feel melancholy at times and play mellow, slow songs, or I can be beaming with happiness, and play excellent, bright pieces. I will always make time to expand my reservoir of pieces and master songs which I feel I could one day play for Leiza to hear. I feel that learning the cello was the right choice as it had exposed me to the extraordinary musical world.

A problem I encountered ( second entry )

This morning I woke up with a gamut of emotions, along with paralysing fear. Fear that everything that happened yesterday was all just a dream. After all, it was so surreal that Leiza, who is so unapproachable to my other interested friends, would confess her love to me. What would they say about me? Should we keep it a secret? What would she think of it?
There was so many questions I could not answer and I almost mistook my Tennis shoes for my school shoes( that would not end very well ).
Then, i noticed at the classroom that her bag was placed on the chair beside mine. After the usual greeting marking the start of class, we sat down, and the others started to chit-chat amongst themselves. The atmosphere at my place was unusual, a load of nervousness, with a speck of jubiation. But, just as I was just about to get used to that strange atmosphere, she grasped my hand so tightly that it almost hurt. Her palms were sweaty and warm, and so were mine. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. If I had a tail like a dog It would surely be buzzing with hidden joy. Then, I thought to myself: Luckily, I am not a dog. How stupid of me to think of such a thing!
It turned out that she had specially approached the teachers to let her sit beside me with the oh-so obvious excuse that "she could not see at her place".
We talked through classes with, oddly, no disruptions by teachers.
Then, the problem hit me hard.
The day after was her birthday. She told me not to go out of my way to get a present, but her eyes showed otherwise. I knew she wanted me to celebrate her birthday with her, but the problem was the present. I JUST STARTED TO GET TO KNOW HER YESTERDAY. That sentence flashed in my head and I slumped on my chair. I will not make it in time for her birthday. Nearing the end of the school, I was drowned in the thoughts of gifts I could give Leiza. By that time, I had almost given up.
Looking up at my bedroom ceiling, its white-washed facade always gave me ideas.
True enough, I jumped in freak realisation. What I needed was a girl's advice on how to make a girl happy. I whipped out my handphone so fast that I dropped it as if it were a bar of soap. The excited sweat glands on my body started pouring as I called Sonia.I kept on stuttering, and I was glad that she could not see my rosy face. The conversation lasted through the night and I slept, slowly preparing my heart for the big day. Sonia told me, "I would want a kiss from my special person."
The next day, the date was set. I told Leiza to meet me at Tampines Mall for dinner, 7.30p.m. She sat beside me, quietly staring at the white board. Her hands were shivering, and it seemed that if I touched her she would faint due to 'massive heartthrob'.
Somehow today, time, as if with a malicious intent, moved ever so slowly. I could only let each second pass by, and each minute to feel like an eternity.
I began to comtemplate the existence of so many eternities as I shuffled into my striped jacket. The night drew near, and so did the meeting time.
We had dinner and I accidentally spilled some F&N on myself.
We went to the arcade and my hand accidentally hit the game buttons too hard.
We went shopping and I accidentally forgot to bring my money.
Time, cunningly, seemed to pass so fast as the night grew old.
Our first date had so many accidents and I knew I had to make it up to Leiza.
My present.
I led her out to the park nearby. What i said then, should have made her happy.
I pointed at the starry night which I gazed upon every night and whispered in her ear, "I found my evening star tonight.....you, dear Leiza. This is your present." It must have been a shock to her. I gently kissed her on her warm cheeks. This moment seemed like an eternity too, and I wished silently for more eternities to come. I walked her home and I could see that her cheeks were flushed in the serene starlight.
Then, I saw it, that brilliant smile.
At her front gate, she told me the last words of our first date, "Hey...if you look at the stars every night, I will too be looking at it. We will then, be connected."
I smiled too.
Oh starry night, I wish that she loved my present, and that our romance would blossom.
It is not an expensive present, but it is the thought that counts.

My Heart is in a fluster ( first entry )

Something happened today in school. Even after a cold shower i still feel the warmth of her touch. Entering my dream-like state of mind I vividly remember the ethereal beauty I found in the equipment room.

Well, the day started off like any other day, Math followed by physics. The usual buzzing of the class hurt my eardrums as I retrieved my textbook from under my desk. Glinting in the corner of my eye, I found a paper note, carelessly taped to the M of my math textbook. It was really not much of a surprise to find a note stuck under my desk or such as my best friend Sonia would almost always forget her homework and sent me a note to lend her mine for 'reference'. No, this was different. This note was from the girl diagonally across the class. Her name was Leiza, half-blooded and beautiful with her hair always tied in perfect braids. I read the note repeatedly in my mind:
Dear Cedric,
could you meet me in equipment room after school?
you do know where it is right?
I want to talk to you about something, I....just need to get it off my heart.
love,
Leiza
It was written in such amazing handwriting, fine itallic with a cursive tinge, almost like an angel's words.
I was certain it was a love letter, but I did not know why a girl like her would find interest in a boy like me.
Thinking along that train of thought, time flew past, and it was soon the meeting time.
I could say that I was happy, but I was nervous. What would she say? Why in the equipment room? Again, with those thoughts filling my mind, the road from my class ended at the door of the equipment room.
I creaked the door opened and stepped in.
The room seemed almost magical. The sun gently lighted up the room, as if someone had spilled honey. And then she was there,like a cherry on top a strawberry smoothie.
I faintly remember what ensued.
The sun caressed her pretty face, as she walked slowly towards me. She took me forward and brushed her lips against mine. Her eyes, closed, looked ever so innocent, and her hair, sweetly scented, tingled my nose. For that one moment I stopped breathing, I stopped thinking too. My whole body was enveloped in that passionate kiss. However, the bliss ended as abruptly as it started, and we both parted in the evening sun. Today, I had my first kiss, and I'm falling asleep,thinking about my dear Leiza, homework left undone.
The words 'I Love You' were never said.