I know everything

Hmm.... I've always wondered made you sit so straight. Could it be the rampant feelings of culture shock from transferring to a co-ed? Or is it your consideration of the possibility of me reading your mind? Maybe it's a moment of folly: maybe a man, for a man would easily cause the spur of a moment. If, unfortunately so, perhaps a man's ears could help in taking in taking in your aoelian recount. Men are known to be blunt, and forceful, like the ball of a bommy-knocker (a strange nickname i've had for bludgeons since young, under the influence of my father); Women are known to be delicate yet strong, similar to the edge of a dagger (finely chop and the enemy goes down). How perculiar that neither descriptions would seem to fit me. If you would know of a mix of these two I would gladly accept the term. I can sense the feelings of a sophomore with uncomfortable ease, and attend to those feelings with deadly accuracy you won't feel those feelings die off, if you catch my joke. Step in to the Spring! With a spring in your step! Oh the laughter it kills me! Alright stop digressing. MY level of intimacy with my finely made mate is unbelievable. My experience in love, too, is unfathomable. I sincerely hope you to confide in me, your distant worries and stinging concerns, but much to my dismay, I am aware of a social-gender-clan-divide in our class. Of course you can contact me in times of desperate need, as long as my time is vaccant.
Yours truly,
Thy Soul